toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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