like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
