Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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