piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm having to shit out rocks
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
