i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
