And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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