NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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