then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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