i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
