Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
