For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
