happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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