Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
only if we run a train.
done.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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