This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
