Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
