When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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