Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
whose ass print is on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize