I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
