You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
