i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
