he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
