Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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