i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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