i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
