remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
