theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
