I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
