doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
