Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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