guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
