We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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