So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
did i just pee glitter
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
