He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
