Just cropdusted the office
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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