Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
