She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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