why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
