the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
