why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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