There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
