you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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