Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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