it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
