I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
BRING THE BAGELS
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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