glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
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Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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