Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
