the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
