You just made me feel so damn special
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
