I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
