this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
