I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
