i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
stop calling my apartment porn island.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
