I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
