That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
