well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
