Can i not drive my cunt home
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
