why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
