I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize