YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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