Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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