Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
